It’s me Big Mac….

today, wednesday..

is very promising to me.

today marks the first day that red bull will play a game without junthy.. all eyes on the team. today also marks my return to the regular line-up in the team. ]

after 3 games im back.

i am not expecting to play but fuck!!!

its much better for me to be back wearing our uniform rather not wearing it at all.

but i am ready.

ready to play.

im preparing myself so hard physically, mentally on the all-star rookie-sophy game next week.. im gonna be playing serious.

aiming to win the game.

aiming to win MVP..

or even just proving to everybody i could really play.

today also is my last day here in manila.

i will be going to laoag city tom., for our game on sat., vs. alaska..

our team will be going to Pagudpod after the game the next day for a vacation..

only players will go for we are not supported by our team bosses.

but its ok.

its our idea any ways.

so each players just contributed payments for our flight going back from there.

also our out of town allowances are to be gathered for our rent & food.

funny?

because i saw in my teammates, even the fil-ams, that truely, they have Pinoy values because they are willing to do simple things & cooperate.

not all fil-ams can do that.

i plan not to swim that much because i am still tan from my last swim vacation.

just going there to chill.

relax.

have fun.

no alcohol.

will deny any drink offer from those fools.

remember, im preparing for a big all-star game.

today, i will be going to araneta ready to suit up.

ready to play if given the chance.

if not, cool.

i’ll be even more ready..

try to get rhythm in practice.

try not to be Mr. Nice Guy.

Hurt them.

today im thinking of eating Pizza.

my favorite.

maybe tonight by myself.

hehehehehe

believe it or not,

i go to Pizza Hut alot of times by my self.

Pia already quit pizza because of me. she’s tired of eating it.

hehehehe

but not me…

today, be preparing to play NBA Fantasy Game against my teammates in Red Bull online..

hehehe

i think i can their asses.

any ways, see u around again soon.. have a good day

Today, monday, mark’s the day Junthy Valenzuela has been traded for 2 future draft picks..

he still practiced with us this morning.. he never mentioned to us about it.

we all went home normally.. no goodbyes. junthy is a pioneer in the team.. he has the respect of everyone. we will miss the guy. for the short time i’ve been with the guy, he treated me well at red bull. he was a serious guy in practice and games but funny outside. i will always remember him saying to me that i have been playing well, that i just need to watch out for my fouls and take care of the ball.

Now that answers why i got a text from our boss that i am to be activated stating today.

happy & glad.

now i am to wear our uniform again.

i know it would be hard for me to earn playing time but i don’t really care..

im focus in improving my body, my game, my discipline. im gonna be better.

Junthy is gone but i will be activated.

mixed emotions.

Yesterday, when i got to Araneta, i was informed by Paolo Bugia that i have a memo from PBA that i am to participate at the PBA All-Star festivities at Bacolod City, to play for the Rookie-Sophomore game.. i have mixed emotions.. im glad, happy, and honored but was really upset because i have been chosen to play for that but im not playing or not even made my team’s line-up..

i don’t know how i made the line-up but im still thankful though for the opportunity.

i have had a wonderful experience playing for the Rookie team last year at Baguio City so im looking forward for a better one at Bacolod City.

i think this will be my last experience to join this event so im gonna make the most out of it.

This also serves to me as a sign that Jesus is still with me…, still guiding me despite my worries for myself in the future.

this some what ease the pressure that He will not give up on me.

so i plan to play very serious on that game because im expiring so i need to show people that i could really play.. im going for the MVP.

hopefully i get a chance to play well.

this past week till now, im having a bad dream that won’t stop or end..

i always force myself to wake up whenever the bad dream starts again.

it has been very tiring.

it seems very real but thank God its not.

they say for a bad dream not to become a reality is you need to tell as much people about it.

i have told my dream to my teammates at red bull, my neighbors, friends, and Pia..

very freaky!!!

any way, my bad dream is about me sitting on a chair in my room in my house, a new house i own ( maybe ), with blue colored walls on a hot afternoon.. maybe around 1-2pm.. i see geri with me, beside me, my sisters also.. then all of a sudden, a car stopped infront of my house then fire gun shots on our house, like armalites, heavy firearms. The house was really ruined. destroyed. while the shots was being fired.. we all dock for cover, everything was destroyed.

Then i woke up forcible.

catching my breath of fear.

i always sign of the cross after and before i sleep again.

i didn’t see if anybody was hurt or anything..

then whenever i sleep again.

all of a sudden i dream again, i was walking out daw to the door of that same house in a hot afternoon again.. as i went out of the door, i see people sitting down infront of our house, i think around 12-15 people whom is my neighbors then, just sitting there, talking, laughing, i talked to one of the people and ask him/her if why are they sitting infront of our house, he/she said, ” dito kami umuupo at tumatambay para di na kayo balikan pa ng mga taong bumarel sa bahay nyo.”
“they won’t shoot the house pag may makita sila mga tao sa tapat.”

freaky!!!!

all of a sudden i fast car pass by the house, i looked, everybody looked, but it was just passing.

freaky!!!

then i force myself to wake up again..

then i tried to sleep again seeing that the sun is just about to go up..

when i went to sleep, i see myself naman in my car, driving im with Geri again, Pia, and ate Julie, while i was driving, the car was was ambushed.. shots are fired all over the car again.. we all cover ourselves with our arms till i wake up again.

freaky!!!!!!!!

im dreaming this the whole night last week.

except last night.

hopefully, it will stop already.

freaky!!!

Paolo Bediones: #15 Janina San Miguel
PB: Janina how are you?

Janina San Miguel: I am fine.

PB: Alright, so we’ve won 2 of the major awards tonight, Best in Long Grown and Best in Swim Suit, do you feel any pressure right now?

JSM: No. I doon’t feel anny pressurre right now.

PB: Confident!!! alright.. please chose the name of the Judge?

JSM: We have, Miss Vivien Tan..

Vivien Tan: Good Evening..

JSM: Goood Evening..

VT: The Question is what role did your Family played with you as candidate to Bb. Pilipinas?

JSM: well, my family’s role for me is so important because THERE was.. THEY’RE, THEY was the one who’s very.. HAHAHA, OH! im so sorry.. umm.. my Pamily, my family oh my God. ok.. im so sorry. i told u that im so confident eto.. ahm.. wait. HAHAHAHAHA uhm sorry guys because this was really my PERS pageant everRRRR because im only 17 years old and ah HAHA i did not expect that i CAME from, i came from one of the TAFFFFF 10. mmm **nods** so.. but i said, that my family Es the most important perRsonS in my life.. thank you..

so hi every body!!!

i just brought pia to work.

last night, i told u i was gonna sleep tight rigth? but i didnt..

we kinda fought.

again.

i deliberately went dry on her in bed while we’re trying to sleep bcoz i let her read this new blog of mine, expecting her to appreciate what i have been doing and saying here in my blog esp., about her, but i thought she just ignored what she read, all the words i said she just really ignored it. not even a smile.

now im doubting her if she really do love me still??

is this a case of her, falling out of love???

is she tired of loving me already??

it hurts to think this way but she has been consistently dry to me recently..

im wondering why.

the day’s too young for me to worry about her feelings for me today but i cant help but wonder..

she often tells me that she’s the kind of girl that will go for a guy that loves her already rather than she loving the guy first…

maybe she’s applying that principle to me..?

but do i deserve that?

also it has been so long since last time she put a comment on my friendster acct., but she has been checking her acct., whenever she’s here so, there’s really no excuse.. its not in her heart to really do such things.

maybe im just be childish.. maybe.

over acting.

over reacting.

but it really make me sad..

i woke up early today despite not having practice but it only meant, im early too to be sad.

maybe she’s not really that vocal or showy??

but i know her already..

she is showy, she is vocal, she is but natural.

but she’s just changing..

there’s a change in her..

i wanna talk to her about this but she’s just kept saying i dont know what im saying.

weird ha?

any way,

we have game later vs. talk n text..

im not gonna suit up.

sad again.

call time is 3:15pm game time is 4:50pm.

after that, im gonna fetch Pia agin tonight.

hopefully, everything will turn out fine today.

hope we win.

sleeping time..

its thursday night.

i fetch Pia after her work this afternoon.

i felt like wanting her beside me while i sleep tonight.

have no practice tomorrow so im gonna bring her tomorrow in her work.

as i told u, im sad today.

she is the only one that cheers me up so i wanted her beside me.

usaully, we only see each other during weekends, i made an exception tonight.

have game tomorrow.

im just gonna watch.

sad.

but its ok.

im gonna sleep tight tonight im sure.

hopefully the bad dreams im having wont be there this time tonight.

it frigthens me alot already coz it dosnt go away.

i say a prayer b4 i sleep though.

so to everybody.. good night!

sweet dreams.

hopefully tomorrow will be better.

pia is my girlfriend.

we’ve been together for almost 4 years…,

we have been together since we are in college.

i met her july of 2004 in letran campuses.

she was a pep squad member that time in letran and i was a varsity player.

i knew her because of that.

i must admit, i got inlove with her the first time i saw her.

she was white, very white complexioned. long shiny hair. chinita. very cute. she has a pair of eyes that looks like of a cat..

very enchanting.

funny thing about her is she puts too much make up that time, maybe because she was just 19 that time.

my former teammate in letran, Jonathan Pinera, always calls her names because of that.. hahaha

i managed to get her cell number eventually, texted her right away but to no avail. she never texted back.

not even once.

impatient as i am.. i confessed right away to her that i like her to be my girlfriend.

stupid me.

the more she ignored me.

in school, i noticed she stays away from me.

never looking at me again.

we practice our fields in the same gym but we never talked.

i must admit i almost gave up.

i even gave her brand new sim card, even send her pasaload, just for her to text me back but again to no avail.

i was really giving up..

she was already dumping me even before i get started.

gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

but because of my sheer determination to get to know her, i manage to still make her like me eventually.

we have surpass every trials thrown at us..

the first year was very difficult for us..

we have heard of issues that Pia was just being paid by our Fr. Recto in Letran just for her to make believe that she was intead my girlfriend, or Pia was just riding on my fame ( if i had any ) that time and just wanted to get notice in school, and even worst that i just scare Pia to force her to be my girl, and Pia just used me because of money ( but i don’t have money then because we don’t have allowance in Letran )..

believe me, we have heard the worst of worst..

but still we proved everybody wrong..

untill now, were is in it.

but like all the other relationships, we have had our share of misunderstandings resulting to arguments, fights, temporary break ups.. its is part of our trials esp., in the first year.

we have survive the unthinkable.

we have won the game of mind.

we define love.

we defy odds.

i admire Pia for being strong. Strong on her love for me.

Pia is my savior, my guardian angel.

she may be a quiet type of a lady but inside that silence, i have a loyal, loving, sincere, dedicated, wonderful partner that i can never let go..

i plan to get married with this great lady soon.

have lots of kids with her.

live a simple life with her.

grow old with her.

she is my life.

she makes me look good, better.

she makes my confidence high.

i know, what ever happens in my life, in richer or poorer, she will be with me, beside me.

Pia is uncomparable.

Pia is mine.

today i had a decent practice with my team.. being put into a reserve isn’t easy but i am handling it professionally.. not getting intimidated, ashamed, down.. i still practice hard everyday.. lots of thanks to my teams, all of them for still treating me ok.. esp., mic, carlo, mike, topex, cyrus, warren, cel, leo.. everybody. so the practice is still fun.

but now that im home.., sad.

have nothing to do. its do hot outside so its terrible if u roam out..

geri is home. with tata kaye, ate lyn, coffe the dog, a cat.. hehehe

i ate adobo as usual.

now im just here at home.., infront of my beloved computer.

checking my friendster and downloading foolish things.

i feel a bit sad because we have game tomorrow, but again, i won’t be playing because im in the reserve list..

its really hard on my part.. people can see me always smiling but deep inside im sad.

playing basketball is my bread and butter.

depriving me of that, hurts me..

i can’t believe this is happening to me but i just must accept.

im worried that my contract’s gonna expire this august.

the days are like too fast..

its gonna be august soon..

i hope and pray i would be re-newed again.

by any team..

then let me play this time for real.

this is what’s bugging me all this time.

im worried about my future.

but im still confident i would still remain in the PBA because i have confidence in myself.

people can put me down but i won’t do that to myself.

its gonna be me aganst the world.

there are 10 teams in the PBA, i will never give up.

my time will come.

i have shown everybody i can play.. NCAA & PBL.

i won’t reach this far if im not capable..

being a letranista, i am thought never to quit.

i won’t.

every day, this is my worry.

this is on my mind.

this is what saddens me.

Thank u Demer for helping me have this blog..

jz wana have something to do whenever im in the computer..

im sure i will be into this blog for a while..

i will try to define myself here..

make myself heard, understood, noticed by people who love me, support me..,

even to people who hates me, ridiculed me, judge me..

i wana use this to express myself in various issues, topics, interest..

Everybody’s WELCOME!!!

i will only write my true and honest feelings.. may it be love, hatred, excitement, judgements, joy, insults, anything that is jz true..

hope you enjoy ur visit & hope i could also know u, my readers as well..